I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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