oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They have beer where we have blood.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
