The maid of honor just puked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
