Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
