I will die if light touches me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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