Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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