Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
