I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
