just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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