I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
