I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
