he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
