So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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