I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nut hugger
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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