Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
