I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
