There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
