I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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