For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
