peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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