i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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