Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
