You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
