So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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