meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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