well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
