Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
