Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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