There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
