I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
