So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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