It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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