I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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