I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
