I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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