I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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