when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
