had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
