And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
