I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
