There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
