he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
