We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
