she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
