Swine flu. Run for my life!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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