I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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