I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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