I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
