I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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