Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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