Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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