no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
