somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
