Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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