don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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