Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
