my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
