hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
