i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
