I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
