Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
